The Encouraging Parent: How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids and Start Teaching Them Confidence, Self-Discipline, and Joy

It's easy to get stuck in an unpleasant parenting rut--daily frustrations have a way of building walls between kids and parents that lead to ineffective communication and further frustrations. Sometimes an objective step back and a fresh set of reminders are just the ticket to get family life back on track. A welcome combination of theory and practical suggestions, The Encouraging Parent first presents a general overview of typical parenting systems of punishment and reward. Examples like "If you make straight A's, I'll give you fifty dollars" and "You will sit here all night if it takes that long" may be embarrassingly familiar to some readers, but not to worry; author Rod Kennedy promises that he is out to break the cycle of blame for all involved. He proceeds to do just that by showing surprisingly simple suggestions for discipline that is effective and loving at the same time. Practical ideas are listed with bullet points, followed by short explanations, a definite boon for busy parents who find their reading time to be limited. Lists cover topics like "verbal bombs to avoid," "nine characteristics of the emotionally mature parent," and personal traits of responsible people. Lots of real-life stories are included from the author's personal experiences, and these stories serve nicely to illustrate the 14 different communication skills Kennedy feels are necessary for good parenting. One short tale of his wife's bad day that is greeted with "start from the beginning and tell me everything," instead of "you think you had a bad day," is an easy lesson that can make a world of difference in an exhausted family. If you're ready to make a few positive changes at home, The Encouraging Parent is an excellent place to start.

Kennedy, who conducts workshops in parenting, conflict resolution and cultural diversity, opens his book with a self-administered "parent test" to help parents determine for themselves what their strengths and weaknesses are particularly with regard to how they relate to and communicate with their children. The crucial issue in how families function, Kennedy claims, is how parents not kids behave; those who exercise self control and exhibit emotional maturity will have the most success with their children because they themselves set examples for appropriate, respectful behavior. The author realizes that children will misbehave, but instead of using blame to admonish inappropriate behavior (he comes down on screaming, rewards, punishment, lecturing and spanking, but he is equally critical of parents who allow their children to control the family barometer), he argues that parents should employ "preventive discipline." His methods include communication, conflict resolution, compassionate listening, fair consequences and establishing routines. While Kennedy sometimes teeters on his soapbox, his book, on the whole, is a compassionate guide to child-rearing that employs mutual respect and encouragement as its cornerstones. (Jan.) Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.